John Warne's Biography
Some things you might not have known about the life and adventures of John Warne:
John was born in International Waters and thus shares nationality with no man on earth.
John was raised on a strict diet of soy that continues to this day: soy milk, soy potatoes, soy cereal, soy sauce, soy everything. It is for this reason that most, if not all, of his acquaintances choose not to dine with him.
Until John came on the scene, the Devil used to wear Versace. Now it's strictly Prada.
John's morning regimen in his formative years was hard and inflexible as the Oak. Rise at five, Thigh-Master till six, soy at seven, repeat.
As a teenager John sternly warned blemishes away with both positive and negative reinforcement.
John only chooses pets that must be broken from the wild.
Some of John's various achievements fall into the category of "Awesomeness". The rest default to "Extraordinary Excellence".
John once lived for three years in a modest-sized house he made entirely from the "Spaceman Bob" Lego set. Dimensions ample, everything plush.
John's first Bass came out of Gull Lake and was caught on spinner bait resembling eighth-notes.
